


When I’m Gone (Any Other Villain)

by ValkyrieNine



Series: Season Five Pain Killer [14]
Category: Supercorp Is Endgame - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Complete, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Longing, Love Confessions, POV Alternating, Quick Shot - Multichapter, Romantic Fluff, Season 5 Painkiller, Short & Sweet, SuperCorp, Supergirl (TV 2015) Season 5, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:34:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22934137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieNine/pseuds/ValkyrieNine
Summary: This is a repost for new readers.A Post Episode 100 Quick Shot ~“From now on, you’re accountable for your own actions. If you decide to forgive me, I will be there for you. But if you continue to work with Lex, if you go through with whatever it is that you two are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like any other villain.”The morning after Kara’s declaration, Lena must face the stark reality of Kara’s unburdened heart. Lena must decide which path to follow. She can embrace the rage and betrayal she feels or she can accept that her anger only masked the passionate heartache she felt inside.Meanwhile, Kara awakens the next morning feeling more burdened than ever. Through a series of surprising conversations with those she loves most, she realizes that there is one more thing she can do to bring Lena home. She just needs to find the courage to let her fears go completely.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Season Five Pain Killer [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1433422
Comments: 23
Kudos: 192





	1. The Time I Thought That We Would Have

_“From now on, you’re accountable for your own actions. If you decide to forgive me, I will be there for you. But if you continue to work with Lex, if you go through with whatever it is that you two are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like any other villain.”_

“KARA! PLEASE KARA! I LOVE YOU! I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE! I’M SO SORRY! Lena screamed at the top of her lungs. “PLEASE DON’T! I NEED YOU! KARA STOP! PLEASE STOP!”

_Supergirl stormed at Lena, her eyes glowing red with fury. Lena knew she was about to use her laser vision. The enraged hero pushed Lena hard over the side of her office balcony. She managed to grab hold of the railing but her hands were sweaty. Her fingers slipped slowly, one at a time. Kara flew behind her, her eyes dead and cold. She watched as Lena struggled, but she did nothing to help her. She made no move to save her. Finally, Lena’s fingers slipped and she fell into the darkness._

Lena kicked wildly, and clawed at the sheets for dear life. She reached out desperately, grabbing for Kara, but she wasn’t there. She wouldn’t be there anymore. She made that much clear. Lena sat up, panting and gasping for breath.

“It was just a dream”, Lena said still shaking.

Her entire body was covered in a thin layer of cold sweat, and her hands ached from gripping the sheets all night. Lena’s face was wet with tears. She wiped her eyes and struggled to take a deep breath. Her comforter and pillows were strewn about the floor, victims of Lena’s night terrors. The sad reality was that it wasn’t just a terrible dream. Kara really had come to her and told her that she was done. At first, she boiled with rage. Her anger reached a new peak, but the moment she got home, changed her clothes, and sat down in the deafening silence, she broke down. She realized her anger had been replaced with something new.

Her hand moved instinctively towards the glass of brown liquid sitting on the nightstand. It was a mixture of expensive whiskey, watered down and cheapened by water, the remnants of ice long melted from the night before. She drank it down in one shot and fell back hard on the bed, no pillows to catch her fall. The air was choked with the echoes of her screams. She slammed her hand down hard on the bed and let out a low growl. What was she feeling? Her default for the last few months had been betrayed. No, that wasn’t right. She felt a mixture of betrayal and seething rage, and yet, as frustrated as she was, she was sure what she was feeling wasn’t anger.

Kara’s words haunted her. “Just like any other villain”, Lena whispered softly. Her head dropped and she immediately recognized the emotion that was weighing heavy on her heart. Devastation.

**“You Mean The World To Me”, by Freya Ridings**

**https://open.spotify.com/track/1bC7e6WRkuFEeGSRAcsZwy?si=Ampojd0ASMiL6KJFO9ysyQ**

She had imagined hundreds of scenarios with Kara over the last few months. She wanted to make Kara hurt the way she had been hurt. She would day dream about revealing to Kara, all of her terrible secrets. She would just smile and say “Now you know how it feels.” She never imagined a scenario where Kara would give up on her. Yes, she was angry. She was hurt and betrayed. Even Kara admitted that she kept the secret of her true identity for way too long, but Lena was at a loss. She could set a clock by Kara’s heart. Loyal, loving, and a fighter to the end. But now, Kara was no longer willing to fight for her. Kara no longer believed in Lena’s light. Lena no longer saw the look in her Kara’s eyes that made her fall madly in love.

Lena began to quietly sob. She wanted desperately to be the badass bitch in the suit who could take on the world, but she was finding it impossible to rally. There was an unfamiliar fragility that swept over the shaken CEO. She was delicate. So much so, that she was sure if Kara were to say her name, she would collapse and die.

Lena’s phone vibrated across her nightstand. She ignored it until it stopped. It was _him_.

“Not now”, she barely managed as she continued to weep. “Damn you Kara! Why do you have this effect on me? How do you cut me open the way you do? How do you make me feel so vulnerable? I HATE IT! I hate you!”

Lena rubbed the back of her neck and shook her head.

“No, I don’t. I wish I did. If I hated you, this wouldn’t feel so unbearable. I love you. I love you so much, but that can’t quiet the anger. What is wrong with me? I just stood there and let you fly away.”

Lena buried her face in her hands and wept. There didn’t seem to be an end to her pain. She knew in her heart that she held onto her anger for months to save her the devastation she was feeling now. Anger was familiar. It was like a warm blanket on a cold night. No, that was Kara. No more warmth awaited Lena at the end of a long day. Kara’s bright eyes and her warm smile could move planets. Her lion heart could defeat any demon that dared come there way. Now, Lena was the demon. Now Kara’s warm smile would be reserved for another.

“You’re probably going to go date another Mon-El-alike jerk and hate me forever. You cut me open and rip my heart out every time I see you, but I’m sure you think I’m just some cold, unfeeling bitch. You see what I want you to see. You see a facade. If you knew what I felt, you would run. If you knew the way I loved you, you would push me away.”

Lena clawed at the sheets and let out a visceral howling cry of frustration. She grunted and slapped both of her cheeks with her hands.

“Come on Lena, pull yourself together. So, she has given up on you and plans to treat you like a villain. Who cares? You have a mission. Cut her down the way she cut you down. Be the villain everyone assumes you are. Stay angry. It’s better than this hopelessness.”

Lena looked over at her empty glass and thought about Kara. She couldn’t help but smile a little picturing Kara’s vehement disapproval over her chosen painkiller.

“How does she creep into my mind and make me smile like that, even when I feel this way? How can someone who brings me so much joy, devastate me like this?”

**“Angel Of Small Death And The Codeine Scene”, by Hozier.**

**https://open.spotify.com/track/7uY7jZs5srSx3xMmyCI48T?si=f53uBXZqSBarcVyjxNe4Zg**

Kara had always nurtured her and protected her. She had always wrapped her arms around her, and kept her safe from the world. Not just from the villainy of National City, but from the lingering darkness that laid dormant in the back of her mind and her heart.

Lena knew now that the crushing feeling of devastation stemmed from a simple place. She no longer felt safe. She no longer had hope. She no longer dare imagine that Kara could love her with the same passion. During the past few months, she never doubted that Kara would love and protect her, no matter how cruel she was to her. She never doubted that Kara would continue to beg for her forgiveness. Kara treating her like a villain meant that she would no longer be watching over Lena with love. She would no longer be that beautiful hero who saved her when she was falling to her death from the L-Corp building. Lena smiled again, but her eyes were blurry with tears.

“I felt so safe in your arms.” Lena’s face fell. “Now, you’ll just let me fall.”

Lena’s phone vibrated across the nightstand again. She wanted to pick it up and throw it. She wanted to move from room to room and break everything in her path. She felt untethered. Anger, rage, betrayal, she could handle. This devastation, this loss, was just too much for her to bare.


	2. I Love You Alexandra, But Please Shut Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara awakens free of her guilt, but finds herself burdened with a new sense of loss and longing. Alex and Eliza help Kara see the truth. Together, they discover there may be one last glimmer of hope. 
> 
> Meanwhile...
> 
> Lena proceeds with Project Non Nocere, but finds it difficult to get Kara’s words out of here mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥️♥️ Happy Supercorp Saturday! 😁

“I thought I would feel better, Alex. I thought letting go of my guilt would release me from the pain, but it’s been replaced with something just as crushing.”

Kara paced the floor of her apartment frantically and then plopped down on the couch. She scrunched up her body and hugged her knees. Sad music played softly in the background.

**“Go Your Own Way”, by Lizzie**

**https://open.spotify.com/track/57TwE7BznUkTKUUlzBLA36?si=QREqQiR3Qo21tsD_3eX1tA**

Alex carried two cups of coffee from the kitchen and sat them down on the table. She cozied up next to Kara and sighed.

“When you called last night, you sounded so hopeful. Look at you, you’re a mess. You knew we had brunch with Mom. This isn’t like you at all. What changed between last night and today?“

“I don’t know. When I walked away from her, I felt powerful. I felt like I finally had the control. I didn’t give her a deadline, but I guess maybe I just hoped she would text or call. I hoped that my words would get through to her.”

“You said it yourself, Kar, no matter what you did to try and change things, there was no going back in time. She can’t be swayed. She has embraced the evil that has always lived inside of her and you are going to have to accept it.”

“I know it was silly to hope that she would just forgive me instantly, but I guess I thought I might hear something this morning, anything.”

“Lena is your weakness.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve blindly trusted her every single day since the moment you two met. You have believed in her so much that you were blinded by the truth.”

“What’s that?”

“Luthors are bad to the core. Lillian, Lex, and Lena, they are all tainted.”

“Lena is nothing like Lillian or Lex”, Kara said letting go of her knees, her voice shaking with agitation.

“Listen, I know she’s your best friend and you care about her, but she is working with Lex. She has chosen her side. You tried everything you could, Kar. No one is faulting you for that.”

Kara took in a deep cleansing breath, grabbed her cup of coffee and sat back.

“Maybe she just needs time. Maybe she will hear my words if she can just quiet her anger for just one minute.”

“You said that your guilt was replaced by something just as crushing. What was that?”

“Anguish, Alex. Anguish at the loss of hope. I always believed in her. I always supported her and helped her hold onto her light. I had faith that she would come back to me. In many of the scenarios Mxy took me through, Lena chose not to help me because she was so hurt. Why did I think words alone would change her heart? Why did I think that I could sway her. Alex, why does this hurt so bad?”

“Kara, I love your heart. I love how loyal and true you are with everyone you care about in your life, but you are just being naive. You are soft and warm and you want to believe there is still good in this world. There is, but not with Lena. Don’t be naive.”

“Stop Alex”, Kara whispered. Her voice shaken and brittle.

“Kar, I’m just saying, what you said. She’s a villain.”

Tears fell down Kara’s cheeks and she was filled with an unfamiliar agitation. Her whole body flushed with heat and she shook uncontrollably. Before she could stop herself, she stood up, threw her coffee mug against the wall and screamed.

“ALEX, I SAID STOP! STOP TELLING ME LENA IS EVIL! STOP TELLING ME I WAS WRONG! JUST STOP!”

Kara collapsed onto the floor and buried her face in her hands.

Alex’s face fell, but her concern for Kara trumped her pain.

“Kar?”, Alex whispered softly. She moved to Kara’s side and wrapped her arms around the crestfallen hero.

Kara sobbed softly. Alex froze. She was at a loss for what to do next.

“I haven’t seen you lose it like that since we were kids. What’s going on really?” Alex rubbed Kara’s back softly trying to get her calm down.

Kara lifted her head and gave Alex a heartbreaking smile.

“I love her Alex. I love her with everything I am. I just don’t know how to live in a world where I’m not allowed to love her.“

“That’s heartbreaking, Kar. Listen, we all know how much Lena matters to you.”

“No you don’t. You don’t have a clue how much she means to me. No one does.”

“Tell me, Kar.”

***

“What’s wrong with you today?” Lex asked Lena as she stared at the wall. “You’ve been off all morning.”

“I’m fine, Lex. Let’s just get back to work.”

“I was about to say the same thing to you. What’s got you so distracted?”

“Oh Jesus, please don’t tell me you’re going with the whole doting older brother routine”, Lena said with her signature sarcasm and chilly grin.

“No offense sis, but you’re an ice queen. Stone cold bitch is kind of your thing.“

“And?”

“You look more like sweet adorable Kara Danvers trying to purchase a gun in a back alley, all nervous and pushing her glasses up the bridge of her button nose”, Lex said with a haunting chuckle.

Lena’s face dropped.

“So, it is Ms. Danvers who has you all a fluster. Now I get it. What happened with the caped catastrophe? What has she done now, dear sister?”

“She came to me last night. She said that she was done asking for forgiveness. She said if I decided to work with you, that she would treat me just like any other villain.”

Lena did her best to control the crack in her voice, but her eyes welled up with tears, giving away every bit of her pain.

“You don’t like that word, do you? Villain. I myself love it. It gives me a thrill. But poor little Lena Luthor, squeaky clean and full of the purest intentions, doesn’t want her adoring hero to think ill of her. You don’t want Kara to hate you. Well, here’s some news for you dear sister, she already does. If she gave up asking for your forgiveness, she’s done. It’s time for you to cut the last tether to your absurd friendship. You don’t see me balled up on the floor, quivering like a child because Superman and I don’t have brunch every Sunday. Supers and Luthors are like oil and water. We don’t mix and we have our designated space in the bowl. We’re the oil, Lena. We float on top, while the Supers just water down the world with their pure hearts and ‘gosh golly’ attitudes. I mean really. Get a grip. Father would be disgusted to see you unraveling this way.”

“Stop calling me ‘sister’, leave father out of this, and don’t you dare presume to know anything about me or Kara. She is mine to be angry with. She is mine to hate. This is none of your concern. I am here to complete a business transaction, nothing more. You’re a murderer and a villain. I just need to complete this mission, and then I’m done with you for good.”

“Business transaction? Mission? Oh please. Call it what it is. You want payback. It’s fine, but if I’m a villain, so are you.”

Lena was triggered.

“You know what, I don’t feel very well. I’m going to go home and drink until I can scrub your face out of my mind. I don’t know if this is going to work out. It’s bad enough that you are evil to the core, but you are also the most shallow, pompous, and despicable creature I have ever known.”

“Fine Lena, call in sick from being evil, but we have work to do and I will be waiting. That is unless you have cold feet, now that your little superhero puppy is sad that you’ve gone all dark side on her.”

“Oh shut up, Lex. Non Nocere is happening. I don’t have cold feet. I am just sick of you, your voice and your face right now. I need air. I can’t breathe.”

“I hit a nerve. Was it the villain thing?” Lex grinned and gave her a little shrug.

“You know what, I’m done.”

Lena grabbed her phone and walked out of the lab. Lex screamed after her.

“YOU’LL BE BACK. YOU WANT THIS AS MUCH AS I DO. SHE WILL NEVER TRUST YOU NOW THAT YOU’RE HELPING ME RUN THE FAMILY BUSINESS, LENA. NEVER!”

Lena grabbed her things and stormed out. Her heart raced, her body burned with fire, and her entire body shook with unbridled rage. She wasn’t just angry at Lex because he was an ass. She was mad because she knew he was right. She would be back and Kara must hate her if she had given up on her.

***

**“Watch Over You”, By Alter Bridge played softly in the background.**

**https://open.spotify.com/track/7kxfWvj6u9oWQ5C36kMtGb?si=p9JxRORlS2-iozjutsgwAw**

A loud knock at the door startled the sisters. Kara looked up and wiped her eyes.

“Crap, Mom’s here”, Alex said. “Let me go grab the door.”

Kara reached out and grabbed Alex’s arm as she went to stand up.

“Alex, please don’t say anything to Eliza.”

“You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know. Let’s just let her in and talk. You were in the middle of saying something.”

“No, Alex. You’re right. Words can’t change any of this. It doesn’t matter how I feel. Let’s just go have a nice lunch , and I will do my best to keep it together.”

Alex got up and put a hand out to Kara. Kara accepted the gesture and quickly moved to her feet.

“What are you so afraid of, Kar? What do you think will happen if you walk away? If she doesn’t want you in her life, if she has given up on you, why wouldn’t you give up on her?”

“When I told her I would treat her like a villain, I mean’t that I would no longer be there to save her from herself. If I’m not there to watch over her, who will? I can’t keep doing this. If I truly let her go, who is going to save her when I’m gone?”

Alex wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and squeezed.

***

Lena stormed into her apartment, closed the door behind her, and let out a shrill scream. She was sure all of National City heard her banshee wail.

She tossed her things down carelessly onto the couch and sat down.

“Stupid Lex. This is absurd. Non Nocere is all I care about. All of this Kara nonsense needs to end. She’s done with me, and I’m done with her. Who the hell does Lex think he is? Trying to lecture me about Kara and my feelings. The audacity! All I can do now is hope that my stupid heart will stop feeling like this. Nothing is going to quiet this anger. Nothing.

***

Alex swung open the door to find a startled Eliza holding a plastic wrapped plate of freshly baked cookies.

“Hi Mom”, Alex said trying to cover her concern with a forced half smile.

“What’s wrong? I heard screaming? Are you girls okay?”

“Yeah. We’re fine now. Kar and I were just having a heated debate. We’re right as rain. You ready for lunch?”

Kara stood staring out the window, trying desperately to compose herself. She put on her best fake smile and turned to Eliza.

“Hi! How are you? Hope you’re hungry. I’m starved. God, I hope they have pancakes.”

Kara’s frantically pieced together words and fake smile weren’t fooling anyone.

“Kara, sit down and tell me what’s going on. Alex, you come here and explain to me why two grown sisters are screaming at each other.”

Kara’s head dropped as she sat down next to Eliza on the couch.

“I’m sorry. It was me doing the screaming. This wasn’t Alex’s fault.”

“Kar, just tell us what’s going on.”

“Alex. I can’t. Let’s just go to lunch and everything will be fine.”

Eliza wrapped an arm around Kara’s and held on with maternal strength.

“Kara, please.”

“It’s nothing. It’s just Lena.”

“What about her, sweetie?” Eliza tried to get Kara to look her in the eyes, but she just stared at the floor.

“Let me Kar”, Alex said stepping up to the proverbial plate.

“Lena found out about Kara being Supergirl from her brother Lex and ever since then she has been spinning out of control. She has been heartbroken and furious with Kara, and everything came to blows when Kara found out that Lena has been working with Lex, who is a super bad guy by the way, and Kara tried with all of her might to change things and make them right. She tried to go back in time and change their past, but in the end she realized that it wasn’t her that could fix their relationship, it was Lena. She told her last night that she was done feeling guilty and that if Lena proceeded with whatever she has planned with Lex, Kara would treat her just like any other villain”, Alex said barely taking a breath.

Kara looked up and smiled sadly.

“Wow Alex. That was impressive.”

“Okay...”, Eliza said trying to take it all in.

Eliza grabbed onto Kara tighter. Kara rested her head against Eliza’s shoulder, thankful for the support.

“Okay sweetie, so why were you yelling at your sister?”

“Alex thinks Lena is evil, but I know her. I know her heart. Listen, Lena has every right to be upset. She was the last person to know who I really am. She was, she is singularly one of the most important people in the world to me and I made her feel like garbage.”

“I know how much she means to you”, Eliza said caressing Kara’s cheek.

“No, you don’t.”

Alex moved next to Kara and sat on the arm of the couch.

“You said that before. What do you mean? You love her. She’s your best friend and you’re heartbroken. What else is there to know?”

“I do love her, Alex. I love her and I always have. I have always trusted her, even when no one else would. I have sacrificed for her. I have done wrong for her. I have chosen her, time and time again. I have pined and ached with an agony I never thought was possible not being by her side. I didn’t feel anything even close to this when Mon-El had to leave, and I thought that would be my life’s greatest devastation.”

Alex rested a hand on Kara’s shoulder.

“This isn’t your fault. You knew that last night. You knew when you told her you were done, that you had to let go of the guilt. What’s done is done. Yes, you love her but no love is strong enough to fight her brand of villainy. She had you fooled. She had us all fooled.”

Kara’s face flushed red and she filled with rage once more.

“ALEX, JUST STOP. STOP SAYING ALL OF THESE HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT HER. JUST STOP! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I’M IN LOVE WITH HER.” Kara seemed surprised by the words coming out of her mouth. Her body slackened and her heart rate slowed. She shook her head and searched the room, trying desperately to understand what had just happened. “I’m in love with Lena”, Kara whispered.

Alex and Eliza sat there for a moment trying to take in Kara’s revelation. It was clear that Kara also needed a minute to process.

“I’m in love with Lena. Oh Rao. I...”, Kara trailed off.

Alex suddenly burst into an ill-timed fit of laughter.

Eliza glared at Alex with a disapproving stare.

“Alexandra Danvers. You stop that right this minute.”

Alex composed herself, but still chuckled.

“Sorry Kar. It’s just of course you’re in love with her. You’re in love with each other. How else could you explain the madness that has gone on between you? Two girlfriends don’t go through this much turmoil. She’s all hurt and angry when you withhold a secret clearly intended to protect her, and you get all wounded lovesick puppy when your ‘freind’ stopped loving you. Wow. Okay. I feel like an idiot. It was right in front of me all along.”

Kara pulled away from Eliza and buried her face in her hands.

“Do you hate me?”

Eliza and Alex both looked confused.

“Why on earth would we hate you, Kara?” Eliza wrapped an arm around Kara and pulled her in close.

“I don’t know. I mean, I think I’ve always known I loved her, but maybe I didn’t admit to myself just how much I loved her. I am madly in love with a woman who may very well want to kill me. I am supposed to protect the planet from evil and I am totally, completely, unshakably in love with a woman hellbent on wreaking havoc with her demented murdering sociopath brother. How could you not hate me a little?”

“Kar, she’s broken. She’s a Luthor and you know I will never trust her.”

“You’re not helping Alex”, Eliza said holding up a hand and shooting Alex a stern look.

“No, I just mean. Have you told her anything?”

“Of course not, Alex. I didn’t even really understand until a minute ago. I mean, I love her with every fiber of my being. She does this thing to me. I can’t explain it. Her voice soothes me like no other. She has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Those Irish gypsy eyes that hypnotize me. She has this uncanny power over me. She can lift me up with a smile or a kind word, but she can also destroy me when she is cruel. I miss her when we’re not together, and I can’t stand the idea of her being out there in the world hating me.”

“That Kara, my sweet girl, is love. True, maddening, passionate, love. If you feel that, you can’t let her go.”

“She doesn’t want me. She let me go. I thought for sure she would call. I really did. Why didn’t she call?”

“Kar, I’m sorry. I’m not surprised she disappointed you, but I’m sorry nonetheless.” Alex rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

“How could the truth possibly help? What could I possibly say? Oh hi Lena, I know you hate me and don’t even want to be friends, but I’m madly in love with you, always have been. Can we just get married, have babies and grow old together instead of fighting this way?”

“Well, that would be an interesting start”, Eliza said with a disarming smile. “What if she loves you just as much as you love her?”

“I don’t think she feels the same way. She couldn’t possibly. I know I’m in love with her because I want to protect her. I want to hold her close and keep her safe from all of the pain and agony in the world. She wants to hurt me. She wants to see me suffer. That’s not love.”

“Do you really think she wants to see you suffer? Do you think it’s possible that her overreaction, and that’s what this is, to your secret being revealed, may be indicative of a woman who thought she was the most important person in your life? Do you think maybe, possibly, she is just as in love with you as you are with her? Just talk to her sweetie.” Eliza caressed Kara’s head and kissed it softly.

“I’m not so sure any words will get through to Lena, Mom. I think when a stubborn, pigheaded, and enraged Luthor is in need of convincing, you’re going to need a miracle.”

“Alex isn’t wrong. None of my words or actions have helped. Everything I say to her just seems to make it worse. This all just feels hopeless.”

“You need to talk to Lena and tell her how you feel. She was angry because you were dishonest with her for so long. Don’t make that mistake again. If you are truly in love with her, she deserves to know before she blows up your lives for good.”

Eliza moved a hand under Kara’s lowered chin and lifted her head. She gave her a sad smile. “If you make an impassioned and heartfelt plea and she still walks away, then you know.”

“I don’t know Mom. I kind of feel like Kara confessing her feelings to Lena, just to be shot down again may destroy Kara. I think she should just let sleeping dogs lie.” Alex turned to Kara. “Kar, telling Lena you’re in love with her will only give her a juicer target to bite. You never think clearly when it comes to Lena. You just don’t.”

“I love you Alexandra, but please shut up”, Eliza said with a stern tone.

“I don’t know what to do”, Kara said shaking her head.

“What do you do when you need to make a hard decision. Either as Supergirl or Kara?” Eliza rubbed Kara’s cheek with the back of her hand gently.

“I rely on the people around me. I asked the people I love the most to give me advice. I look deep inside my heart and try to always go with my gut, but advice always helps.

“Your sister and I have given you our opinions. Go and seek others. Please just remember that at the end of the day, I will support you unconditionally. We both will.”

“And what about you Alex? I know this all a lot to take in”, Kara said calmly. “I’m sorry I yelled.”

“Do you really love her Kara? I mean LOVE love.”

“With everything I am or will ever be.”

“Ugh. Just tell her. You have nothing else left to lose, but Mom is right. Get some other advice. Maybe someone else will make a better argument than me. I still think she will never deserve you. I just want to protect you, Kar. I don’t want her to continue to break your heart. Your relationship has been fraught with this looming showdown. This long goodbye.”

“Not for me. Maybe you saw it that way, Alex, but I never did. I never thought we would have to say goodbye so soon. I’ll talk to Clark.”

Eliza wrapped both of her arms around Kar and squeezed. Alex dropped down on top of Kara and grabbed her around the neck. Kara was surrounded by her family, and suddenly things didn’t seem so hopeless.

“At least now I have a game plan. One more try. One more reality. One more button press to see if I can get it right. I’ll eat some pancakes, talk to Clark, who I know believes in love more than anyone else I know, and decide whether to make one more last ditch effort. One last plea for Lena’s broken heart.”

**“White Flag”, by Joseph**

**https://open.spotify.com/track/3nDM1ezsfSuuYaFN4sicp1?si=AicMYktBSvi6yubTMo5p8w**


	3. Return To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Clark discuss her predicament with Lena, Lena hits a breaking point, and Kara takes one last shot at love. 
> 
> Fluff, love and a Super moment. Happy Supercorp Sunday!

“Thanks for getting together today”, Kara said taking a seat on Clark and Lois’s cozy leather couch. 

Clark stoked the fire as Kara leaned forward and poured two cups of piping hot tea. 

“I’m always here for you Kara. You don’t have to thank me. What’s on your mind?”

“Where’s Lois?”

Clark sat back in his large recliner and sipped at the steaming cup of chamomile. The smell of the soothing herbal tea and Clark’s calm demeanor, calmed Kara’s nerves. 

“She’s having lunch with an old friend from college. It’s just us, cousin. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s Lena. I need your advice.”

“Of course. What’s going on with Lena?”

Kara set her cup of tea down on the coffee table and took in a deep breath. She exhaled sharply and rubbed the top of her legs nervously. She took in a a long deep breath and proceeded to speak at breakneck speed to get all of her thoughts out quickly. 

“I’m just going to rip the bandaid off. So, Lena found out that I was Supergirl from Lex before he died. When she found out from him instead of me, she felt completely betrayed. She didn’t tell me she knew immediately. Her heart started to fill with pain and darkness. She was understandably hurt that I didn’t tell her since we were supposed to be best friends. When I did tell her, I tried desperately to explain to her that I wanted to protect her, but she just wouldn’t hear me.”

“That’s awful, Kara. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, I haven’t even scratched the surface. It gets way worse. So, Lex isn’t dead and is back to wreak havoc on National City. I just found out that Lena and Lex are working together on something. I don’t know what it is, but if it involves Lex, I am sure it is evil. She has been going dark for a while. I’ve been giving her a lot of leeway because I felt guilty, but finding out that she was working with Lex, snapped me out of my guilt spiral. I told her if she continued to work with Lex, I would have no other choice but to treat her like any other villain.”

Clark’s face dropped and he shook his head. 

“I had to have a very similar conversation with Lex years ago. It sounds like you tried everything you could. You are a true and loyal friend.”

“There’s just one minor snag in all of this.”

“What’s that?”

“I am madly, deeply, passionately in love with her.”

Clark sat back and took a moment to consider Kara’s words. His mouth widened into a smile, but his eyes were sad. 

“Well, that does complicate matters a bit, doesn’t it? I had no idea. I’ve always known you two had a bond, but I never would have suspected. How long have you loved her?”

“If I’m being honest...I think I’ve loved her since the moment we met. My feelings have grown every minute of every day since our hearts occupied the same space.”

“Madly, deeply, passionately. I see it now, cousin.”

“I would sacrifice everything to be with her. I would do wrong for her. I’d give my life for her. I worked with a trickster named Mxyzptlk to try and change the past, but no matter what I did, we never found a way to be together. When I found a way to get her to forgive me, everything else went wrong. In the end, I had no other choice, but to accept the consequences of my actions.”

“How can I help?”

“You love Lois more than I’ve ever seen one human being love another. If you were in my shoes, would you keep trying?”

“Does she love you? Does she know how you feel about her?”

“I don’t know how she feels about me, but I suspect love is the furthest thing from her mind at the moment. She doesn’t know how I feel about her. I’ve never been brave enough to tell her. I think the real question is where do I draw the line. If it was you and Lois, where would you draw the line?”

“Honestly, there would be no line I could draw. If it was Lois, I would do anything I could to win her heart. If you love someone completely, it is impossible to truly walk away. Have you spoken to anyone else about her? What do they think?”

“I spoke to Alex and Eliza. Eliza was loving and supportive.”

“What did Alex think?”

“Alex has never fully trusted Lena. She has always said that all Luthors are evil. She did her best to try and convince me that Lena is a lost cause, but when I explained how I feel, she finally gave in. She begrudgingly said that I should tell her how I feel and give her one more shot.”

“If you won Alex over, why did you come to me?”

“I came to you because I value your opinion above anyone else, when it comes to love. I wanted to know your thoughts because you and I are descended from the great house of El. The same blood flows through our veins. I have never stopped to imagine how intensely you love Lois, but if it is anything like the way I love Lena, only you would be capable of understanding the predicament I am in.”

“Do you remember the day you had to send Mon-El away during the Daxamite invasion? Do you remember the conversation we had at the D.E.O.?” 

“Of course.”

“I told you I wouldn’t have been strong enough to sacrifice Lois or our relationship to save the world.”

“I remember.”

“If it had been Lena, would you have had the strength to send her away? Would you have chosen the world over your love?”

“No. Not in a million years”, Kara said without a moment’s hesitation. “I have flown into certain death more than once to save her. I wouldn’t sacrifice her for anything. I would rather die.”

“You have no choice, Kara. You need to tell her how you feel. If you love her that much, you have to try.”

“Thank you Clark.”

“Hey, Lois should be home in an hour or so. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Sorry cousin, I have to pay a Luthor a visit.”

Kara stood up and gave her cousin a confident smile. 

“Do you need any help dealing with Lex?”

“Not right now, but I’ll definitely let you know. You just have a nice dinner with Lois and hold onto her tight. Wish me luck.”

“Like you said, you are from the house of El. You have pure love and the purest of intentions in your heart. You don’t need luck. Just go and be honest with her. If she loves you half as much as you love her, everything will be okay.”

“I hope you’re right, because without her love, I don’t know who I am anymore.”

***

“I know what I’m doing Lex. Just make sure everything is ready and stop second guessing me.”

“Listen, I loathe the caped catastrophe as much as you do, but I feel like maybe this is getting a little out of hand.” 

“Funny. You’re the evil mastermind behind this whole thing. It was you who developed the idea to take down Superman once and for all. Superman, Supergirl, what’s the damn difference.” Lena gritted her teeth and clenched her jaw. Her eyes were wild with fury. 

“I think maybe your emotions are clouded by the fact that you have consisted on a steady diet of Irish whisky and no food for the last twenty-four hours. Why don’t you go home, get some sleep and see if my more conservative-less-evil-Bond-villain plan might work better.”

“Lex, I will never have the power to do what needs to be done. You need to make sure this happens.”

“I know sis. You have a tender sad little weak spot for your Super puppy. It makes me sick that you still can’t hold back your emotions, but hell, maybe this is good. You’re finally seeing the Luthor side of things. Be ruthless, be extreme and take down the Supers.”

“I’m done. I’m done being angry. You’re my family. Kara doesn’t love me. She will never love me the way I love her. She made that very clear. I can lay around and mope about it or I can finally do what needs to be done and take her down once and for all. This needs to end.”

“I need you to understand something, Lena. Once you pull the trigger on this, I will not stop. Don’t start something you don’t intend to finish.”

“Shut up and do it. I can’t take anymore of this. I’m leaving. My car is waiting downstairs. You want ruthless, you got ruthless.” 

Lena grabbed her things and stormed out of the lab. 

Lex shook his head and ran a hand over his chin. 

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Kara Danvers, I hope you know what you’ve done. Oh wait, technically it’s what I have done”, Lex said cackling like a madman. 

***  
A torrential downpour blanketed all of National City as Lena’s limo driver turned onto the flooded street. It was close to one in the morning when Lena stepped into the back of the shiny black limousine. 

Lena normally loved the rain, but her longing for Kara’s arms and the splitting headache that cracked open her brain was too much to bare. All she wanted was to return to the safety and warmth of her apartment. She felt cold and vulnerable. Everything hurt, but most of all, it was the constant dark aching in her heart. 

The limo pulled up to a stop light. The rain poured down so hard. Lena couldn’t see anything outside the windows. It all happened quickly. First, a smash of the driver’s window. Glass shattered everywhere. The driver tried to fight but the unknown assailant pistol whipped him until he slumped down in his seat. 

Lena’s body stiffened for a moment. The dark shadow of a tall man moved around the limo slowly. Lena’s heart raced. She grabbed the door handle and swung open the car door. She ran out into the rain, more fearful of being pinned down in the backseat of the car. She ran as hard and as fast as she could until she realized she hit the dead end of a dark alley. She cowered in the shadows as she heard the footsteps of the dark figure approach. Her body was frozen with fear and the bracing chill of the punishing rain. Her whole life flashed before her eyes. The image that flashed in her mind repeatedly was Kara’s face. She saw all of the moments she held most precious in her heart. 

“So, this is how it all ends”, Lena whispered as she put her head down and closed her eyes. 

Suddenly, the footsteps stopped. Lena lifted her head and opened her eyes. Supergirl flew down and grabbed the man in black. She slammed him against the brick wall of the alley. His limp body slumped onto the ground. Kara walked over to Lena and stretched out a hand. Lena gritted her teeth and fought back tears of relief.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to help me anymore”, Lena yelled angrily over the sound of the pouring rain, her voice shrill and shaken. 

Lena refused Kara’s hand and struggled to get to her feet. She leaned against the wall and looked down at her would-be attacker.

“Are you okay?” Kara asked, already soaked from head to toe. She stepped forward and tried to help Lena again. Lena slapped Kara’s hand away and her eyes filled with tears.

“NO! I am not okay. You said you were giving up on me. You said you saw me as a villain. You said you wouldn’t save me. Why are you here?”

Kara reached forward and took Lena’s hand. 

“I never said that, Lena. I told you that I couldn’t support you and your crimes if you worked with Lex, but I will always protect you from harm. I will always watch over you and keep you safe. I love you.”

Lena slapped Kara’s hand away once more and tried to push her. Kara didn’t feel anything except Lena’s rage. 

“STOP IT KARA! Just stop. You said you were my friend. You said you loved me before, but it was all lies. It was all lies and you betrayed me.”

Lena pounded her fists against Kara’s chest with ferocious anger as the rain beat down on both of their bodies cruelly. 

Kara wrapped her arms around Lena tight and held on. Lena screeched and tried to pull away but Kara just held on tighter. 

“LISTEN TO ME DAMNIT! Lena, I know you hate me. I know when you see me, you see red, but please just let me speak.”

Lena continued to punch and kick with all of her might. Kara floated up above the ground and pressed Lena against the cool wet brick. She moved a hand to Lena’s cheek and caressed it gently. 

“What are you doing?”, Lena asked confused. 

Kara could see Lena’s tears mix with the raindrops on her cheeks. 

“Lena, you asked why I didn’t tell you I was Supergirl sooner. You asked why I didn’t trust you. I did trust you. It was NEVER about trust. Lena, I recently began to understand that everything I have ever done from the moment we met, was fueled by one thing. Fear. Fear that you would become the target of some villain who sought out to hurt me. Fear that you would do exactly what you’ve done and leave my world because you hate me.”

“Stop saying that. I don’t hate you.”

“You do! You hate me. Why else would you be doing what you’re doing?”

“YOU KNOW NOTHING! Let me go! Just abandon me like the villain you think I am!”

Kara moved a hand over Lena’s hair and smiled. Lena was clearly shaken. 

“What are you smiling about?” Lena demanded. 

“Your screaming at me and soaking wet, but you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.”

Lena continued to fight Kara, but he heart wasn’t in it. She was too confused. 

“I umm...what? Stop messing with my head.”

“Lena, I don’t just love you, I am IN LOVE with you. I know it is no excuse, but I need you to understand that everything I have ever done is because I love you with all of my heart. I’ve just been too afraid to admit it to myself.”

“SHUT UP! Just shut up! You’re messing with my head. This is a dream. This isn’t real.”

Kara grabbed Lena, floated higher and pressed her lips to Lena’s firmly. She kissed her with a maddening passion, fueled by her desperate longing to see Lena’s smile. Lena tried to pull away, but Kara held on tighter and kissed her with more fervor. She continued to float high into the sky. Lena’s body relaxed and she returned Kara’s kiss with equal love and fire. She stopped fighting and placed her hands on Kara’s chest. She pressed her tongue to Kara’s, lapping and sucking. 

Lena pulled back. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

“Kara, do really love me?” 

“I do. I love you with every single part of me. I love you throughout time, over any distance, in every universe, and beyond. You can hit me, you can hate me, you can push me away, but I just needed to tell you that I am madly in love with you, and I always will be.”

Lena moved her hands to Kara’s face and smiled. 

“I don’t hate you Kara. I could never hate you. I know my actions haven’t exactly shown you how I really feel. I am so sorry that I melted down the way I did. I spent so much time trying to fight my feelings for you, that I started building up weird walls and insecurities. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Kara could feel Lena shivering in her arms. She wrapped her cape around Lena and held her tighter. 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t protect you?”

“After you said the whole villain thing, I just didn’t know. I guess I heard the worst because I would never dare dream that you could possibly be in love with me.”

“I was just trying to find a way to get through to you. I tried love, I tried penance, I even tried to go back in time and change things but nothing worked.”

“You went back in time?”

“I did. Dozens of times. All I wanted was to make things right, but I realized something that was both sad and beautiful.”

“What’s that?”

“This version of me will always love this version of you. I can try and change our past, but it is who we are, right here and right now that is real. Everything we have been through only makes me love you more.”

Lena buried her face in Kara’s neck and held on with all of her might. Her body shook, not from the cold, but from the love and relief coursing through her veins. 

“I don’t know how you could still be in love with me. I have done so much harm, and I know our friends will never forgive me.”

“They will.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive. Tell me if I’m wrong, but the way I see it is that everything you have done is because you love me with all of your heart. Love makes us crazy. It makes us do wild things because our hearts have no chaperone. They have no supervision. They love obsessively, they anger violently, and they make us do things our brains would never let us do if they had any say. I don’t love you in spite of your heart. I love you because of your heart.”

The sound of sirens filled the night air. Ambulances and police cars arrived on the scene to check on the driver. Police officers ran down the alley and saw Kara and Lena wrapped together in a warm embrace. Kara caressed Lena’s cheek and smiled. 

“Let me check in with the officers down there and then maybe I can take you home if that’s okay.”

“I would love that. I don’t think I could possibly tear myself from your arms.”

Kara floated down and had a brief conversation with the first officers on the scene. She explained that she intervened when the assailant attacked Lena in the alley and she would be happy to give them all of the details they needed. When the officers were satisfied with her brief statement, Kara asked if she could take Lena home to get some rest and have her reach out for her statement in the morning. They tipped their hats to National City’s caped hero and Kara returned to Lena’s side. 

The skies cleared and the storm that had attacked the city for weeks, finally lifted. Kara wrapped her arms around Lena and held her close. 

“Would you like to fly? We can get a ride with Alex if you’d prefer to stay closer to the ground .”

Lena pressed her cheek to Kara’s and closed her eyes. 

“Like I said, I don’t want to leave your arms. Let’s fly.”

Kara picked Lena up in her arms and kissed her passionately. She didn’t care who witnessed her show of affection or what kind of damage control she would have to do later. All she wanted was to taste the lips of the woman she loved more than life itself.


End file.
